porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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