my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
