I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
