so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I smell stomach acid.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
