Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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