grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
