I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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