He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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