I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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