What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just had sex on a roof
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
