woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Text me some of your sweat
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