My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
