10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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