How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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