if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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