never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
