Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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