apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That accounts for only three of the penises
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
