some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
