better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
