she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
