Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
