i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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