SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
