I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
