He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
