One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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