dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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