I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The power of my boobs compel you
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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