Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
we're so committed to being not committed
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
