DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
