I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize