dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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