Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm sobbing to NWA
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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