im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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