i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i dont even know how to be here
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
