And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
