cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
