my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
