He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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