The maid of honor just puked.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
