whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
