im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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