Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize