How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The feeling are messing with the penis
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
