Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
