Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
