haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's never too late to be topless.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
