Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
