I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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