I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
A bitchslap is in order.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
