Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
