I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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