Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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