In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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