You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
