I'm really into asian looking animals
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
