genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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