I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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