Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
