i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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