I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
