mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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