RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize