So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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