theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
