1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
