Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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