if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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