So drunk its hurt
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
