Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
