This dress was meant to end up on your floor
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
