Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
