Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
