good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
