And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Randomize
