a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
