At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
one two three fourrrrnication!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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