Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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