We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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