I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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