Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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