How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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